I was quick to notice that every seemingly available guy here in Nashville, either really likes to hunt and fish or is a struggling musician trying to make it big. I told myself I would never date another musician again, so that’s out of the question. I also hate hunting and fishing, so basically best of luck to me finding anyone here (yay).
After getting sick and tired of swiping without a purpose, I figured it was time to pick a guy on the internet who I thought was attractive.
Picking someone was the easy part. The hard part would be not flaking on him a couple hours before the date and trying to form some kind of connection with him when we did meet in the person.
It was late on a Sunday night and we both had work in the morning, so he insisted we meet for ice cream instead of drinks because he thought drinking alcohol would lead to “bad things” after our date.
This statement should have been my first clue to cancel (who doesn’t like sex on a Sunday?), but because I’m dumb and like wasting my own time, I continued to get in my car and drive to the stupid ice cream shop.
I was starting to feel like I was in high school all over again, but I decided to keep my mouth shut and let fate run its course.
This guy looked just as attractive in person as he did online.
Within 10 seconds of giving him a hi and hello, he blurted out that this was his first ever Tinder date and that he was super nervous (poor guy, he really had no idea who he was messing with). I tried not to roll my eyes right away, but I could also tell that he was one of those hot guys who everyone thinks is hot, yet he has no idea how attractive he really is.
There was definitely still potential, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was in a really cheesy and really bad romantic comedy from the 90s.
I kept hoping it would get closer and closer to his bedtime.
I’ll be honest, and for the people who read my blog posts regularly you probably already know, I curse a lot. I like to think of curse words as sentence enhancers, but for super religious and super southern gentlemen who like to take girls out on ice cream dates, four letter words starting with f and ending in k are strictly off-limits (so f*** me…no really).
Once he started talking about his 6-month mission trip to Costa Rica and how he helped build a community with his church, I could just tell that he was wayyyyy too good of a person for me and this was never going to work out.
(I like to date people who play with my heart and screw me over in the end.)
Not that I wouldn’t like to go to Costa Rica and help people, but deciding to live a life without alcohol, cursing and (probably) waiting to have sex until marriage, was just not going to be something I wanted to have any part in.
But Wait, There’s More
Silly me brought up the fact that I’m trying to cut out all meat from my diet this year, and the conversation that followed really pissed me off.
I get it, people eat meat. I never once told him that he should stop eating meat or that eating meat was bad for his health, or whatever, but the second he heard that I am choosing to not eat meat because of environmental and health reasons, he immediately started to judge the shit out of me and I wanted to punch him in the face.
Him: “So is being vegetarian like really a real thing? I thought it was just a fad that people in California do sometimes.”
Me: “Uh, yes. Was that a real question you just asked me?”
Him: “But…don’t you miss bacon all of the time?”
Me: “No, not at all. I haven’t had it in over 5 years. It doesn’t bother me.”
Him: “So if you’re doing it for health reasons, how are you getting your protein? From protein powder or protein shakes? That doesn’t seem healthy at all.”
Me: (raises voice) “Fun fact: Fruits and vegetables have loads of protein in them and are a lot healthier than eating a greasy piece of bacon!!”
Also Me: Bye forever, see you never.
I am already over dating people.
Yeah, being a super religious and extremely conservative person isn’t the worst thing in the world, but honestly, I don’t see myself marrying a Republican who thought not eating meat was a fad.
Saving a horse and riding a cowboy might sound great in a country song, but I would much rather take the horse and ride that thing into the sunset alone.