Lord knows I never wanted to write this post, but here I am again putting myself out there. It can definitely be tricky navigating a friendship once you’ve gotten physical with that person. As two grown adults, I think we’ve been great at maintaining our friendship and being open about what we want when things do get intimate.
This kind of “friends with benefits” or “no strings attached” thing definitely isn’t for everyone. And trust me, I literally never thought I would be in this situation myself.
If you’re thinking about hooking up with your best friend of the opposite sex or wanting to jump out of that friend zone completely, there are a couple of things you should know.
This is how my “friends with benefits” scenario started and how my best guy friend and I still maintain it to this day.
The Back Story…
I met this guy back in Spanish class in college and we instantly hit it off as friends. Back then, we would hang out just the two of us every week and either go to the gym, cook dinner or just hang out around town doing the stupid shit that friends do.
I was in a serious relationship at the time, so the thought of being attracted to him never crossed my mind and he never showed any interest in me, so life was good.
It wasn’t until my breakup that he and I started getting a little flirty, but it still wasn’t enough for me to get that friend vibe out of my head.
The night he picked me up drunk from a party, after being stranded by a friend, things started to change. I was intoxicated beyond belief and started saying things that I would soon regret the following morning. As I went to pass out on his couch, he offered me his bed to sleep in, with the catch being that he would be sleeping in it as well.
For sure I thought we would cross the line that night, and in that moment, I totally wanted to get physical. Unfortunately for my ego and sex drive, he shut me down so fast that I decided to never talk about that night again. The friend zone was where he had put me and it was probably best for me to stay there for a long, long time.
We lost touch a little bit after graduation, but once we got over that initial hump, our friendship went right back to where it once was. We continued to talk about life, relationships, and most importantly, sex. Since we already knew each other so well, sex was just another topic we joked about, and our talks also sort of helped us maneuver through our failing relationships at the time.
Everything was still so much on the friend side of things, that it never really got awkward. And if it did, one of us was quick to call the other one out for it.
It had been about a year since we last had the chance to hang out in person.
Naturally, we wanted to see each other since it had been so long. He lived in a city that I had never been to before, so it gave me another reason to get out of town for the weekend.
After going out to dinner and having a blast catching up and goofing around, it came time to decide if I was going to sleep on the couch or if he was going to let me sleep in the same bed as him again. It was almost 4 years since I had made those drunk passes at him, and I was hoping that he had either forgotten about that night or just wasn’t going to bring it up, but of course, we both brought up that night in conversation as we started getting ready for bed.
There we were, in bed together talking about that time we could have had sex 4 years ago. We started laughing about it and then, well…ya know.
I’m not going to lie, I was extremely nervous. Here I was with this person that I love dearly as a friend, and now this situation is happening so fast, that I can’t even process what is going on.
I was worried we wouldn’t talk again after our encounter and I was worried that he would think less of me as a person for what we both decided to do. Communication was key in this situation. And thankfully, we both majored in communications and were able to put those degrees to work.
Both of us were able (and comfortable enough) to tell the other person exactly what we were thinking and what we wanted. In doing so, we had a wonderful time and maintained our friendship.
We talked it out (before, during and after) and decided that adding a physical element to our relationship would be okay (which is what I worried about the most).
We’ll See What Happens
We’re still friends and nothing has changed, other than the obvious. Hopefully, we’ll have a chance to hang out again as friends (or whatever you want to call us) sooner rather than later.